When coworkers talk sh*t 🫢
Let’s be really honest for a second. We’d all love to pretend we’re above the workplace rumor mill.
But we both know better.
At some point, someone has said something about you at work that wasn’t kind.
🤫They whispered you’re not a team player…
🤫They said you take feedback too personally…
🤫They implied you’re going for a promotion that “should’ve been theirs”...
No matter the version, it STINGS. (Or maybe it flat-out infuriates you!)
While the professional in us wants to brush it off, the human in us feels the gut punch.
So what do you do when the sh*t talk starts to stink?
You take stock of what’s really being said, and THEN decide how to respond.
Fact vs. Fiction
Before you spiral, pause.
The first step is understanding what kind of tension you’re dealing with. There are two root causes of sh*t talk:
True Conflict: relational tension, a difference in style, values, or communication preferences.
Performance Challenge: a skill or behavior gap someone’s frustrated about, but hasn’t addressed with you directly.
If it’s relational, it’s about personalities clashing.
If it’s performance-based, there might be something to examine, not to punish yourself, but to learn.
Here’s a chart I use in my programs to help you identify the type of tension:
Once you know which one you’re dealing with, you can start to separate the facts from the fiction. Ask yourself:
🔍Is there any truth buried in what was said?
🔍What evidence supports or refutes it?
🔍What’s in my control to improve and what’s not?
🔍How can I address this directly without matching the rumor’s energy?
Pro tip: Once you can answer these, your next step is the uncomfy part. It’s where I encourage you to go straight to the source. Here are two talk tracks to keep in your back pocket:
If it’s a peer or teammate:
“Hey, I heard there might be some tension between us or some feedback that’s being shared indirectly. I’d rather have a quick convo to clear the air. When are you available in the next week to talk about it?"
If it’s your boss or leader:
“I’ve heard some feedback that caught me off guard, and before I make assumptions, I wanted to check in with you directly.”
Both open the door for clarity, not more whispers.